What words define you?

The Power of words

As my daughters have both entered school, I have notice a huge increase in the “It's not fair" justification. They use this to point out any difference they notice between themselves and anyone else, when asking for something, to express a need, to express dissatisfaction, or to blame someone/something else instead of taking responsibility for their behaviors. When I noticed this increase of "fair" assessing, it became clear that this “it's not fair" phrase is also often used in the adult world as well. 

I begin to notice more and more this phrase being used and tried to figure out why we assess the world on a "fairness" scale. The underlining attitude or thinking error behind the use of this phrase is the "I deserve" mentality. Yes -this is self-esteem. However, when this phrase is used to not highlight the importance of a person, it becomes a thinking error.  The "It not Fair" points out the lack a person is feeling. 

What became more evident, and appalling, is that this phrase is also placing someone's value directly outside themselves. Their value and worth is compared to another based on material goods or being treated a certain way versus self value and worth coming from within. When my worth comes from within, I don't internalize or identify with the lack or difference I see in the outside world. My value is separate from that experience. Most of us experience privilege in some manner and may notice the lack in others.  Our experience of the world may not be EVEN but....it is fair. It is fair because we are only in control of ourselves and our value and worth is all the same. Life is not EVEN in many many ways. When we use the word EVEN versus FAIR, we stop assessing our own value though the exterior, and begin to own who we are. Our value is not based on the lack we see externally, it comes from the whole we feel internally. 

I encourage you to become more intentional with your words, noticing the power the hold on how you view yourself. In what ways do you place your value and worth outside of yourself?

Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash