What has been the most profound and healing aspect of being a therapist is the themes that arise in both my personal life and within office walls. I often find, for example, that I will confide in a friend and within a short amount of time, the exact theme, words or expressions seem to perfectly fit when sitting with a client. Certainly, a recent experience and having something on my mind would in itself create a organic focus or theme. But, I would argue that there is something more divine within the pattern. Almost like the Universe needed to show me something or teach something in order to help another. These patterns are also in with what others present to me, almost highlighting how connected we all are. The largest theme that has been present is the idea of Loving Self. And I think I am now, after 8 years, starting to understand what this means for myself and for others.

We are told that in order to love another we must love ourselves first. But how do we know if we do? Certainly have loved myself enough to gain an education, build relationships, explore and challenge myself. Yet, a few years ago I lay on my bed, sobbing, lonely and depressed. Through this recent journey, I have discovered that yes, through all of my hardships I did love myself but I was not in love with myself. The love I had is what kept me searching for connection and a place to belong. As I laid on that bed feeling empty and the mostly painful loneliness, my focus shifted from my inner child who longed for a loving parent or a lover who would give me the sense of belonging to what was visibly in front of me. My bed was a mess, half full mugs of tea collected on my dresser and my new nightgown with its store tag still attached was careless thrown on the pile of dirty laundry. I decided that since I have spent most of of my life searching for this belonging and yearning to fill this hole I felt inside that I should at least surround myself in comfort, clean up the mess, and sob in my new nightgown. I lit candles and put on music for no other purpose than to fully honor my sorrow of being unloveable. After I lit the candles I went back to laying down only to begin laughing at myself. Who does this?? Well. I do! And this journey was the start of healing and shifting from searching and desperately trying to fill this hole inside my heart to figuring out ways that I can filled it myself.

Within the past 8 years, I have fallen in love with me. All the crazy things I do, my silly adventures, and my imperfect yet perfect body. The shift that happened was not focusing on what I did not have or searching for what I believed was missing but focusing on the fact that I love myself enough to feel sorrow, to have yearned and searched for love/belonging/family and this only happened because I loved me. And know I am in love with myself because of how I love, cherish, treat, and anticipate the needs of me. I no longer have to justify, prove, or be afraid to say no to anyone. The wholeness that I feel is what I use to wish I could have been given to me. Now, I understand that this type of wholeness I can only give to myself.

My challenge to you is to really sit with the idea of falling in love with yourself and do something for yourself that you wish another would. Let's be bold, courageous, and reclaim your own wholeness one nightgown and candle at a time.

Falling in love with Self?

The Importance of Falling in Love with Self