Our ability to grow our romantic competence is based on our skills to have a healthy relationship with others-Insight, mutuality and emotional regulation are the essentials. Insight to our needs, habits, and motivations (as well as our partner's) helps us to authentically connect to others and have appropriate emotional boundaries. Mutuality give each person an equal space and value in a relationship. It is how both respect self and another. Emotional regulation are the skills developed to be able to handle stressful situations in a healthily way and not rely on outside people (or things) to determine your value.
What are some of the skills that you have not yet developed or areas you have some work to do? If you desire a healthy realtionship, you also have to show up with your own competence.